Scottish Jokes

One day Wee Hughie bought a bottle of fine whiskey and while walking home he fell. Getting up he felt something wet on his pants. He looked up at the sky and said, "Oh lord please, I beg you let it be blood!





A Scottish boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?"
The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."



An Australian entered a bar and stood beside a Scotsman."Where are you from, pal?" asked the Scotsman, after they'd chatted for a while. "I'm from the finest country in the whole wide world," said the Australian. "Are you?" said the other. "You have a damn funny accent for a Scotsman."

How do you get a Scotsman to climb onto the roof of his home?Tell him that the drinks are on the house.




A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking
water from a pool with his hand. The Scotsman man shouts
' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn'
(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow shit.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English,
I don't understand you'.The Scotsman man shouts back
'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'






Why do pipers like to march as they play the bagpipes?A moving target is harder to hit.



Mrs Campbell: Has your son finished learning the pipes?
Mrs Macdonald: No, but the neighbours are making threats

Why learning English?

Nowadays, English is considered a kind of "lingua franca" for business, social relationships among countries and tourism. Therefore, learning English has become essential to attend an international meeting, climb at your job, visit a foreign country, undertand our music groups' songs or buy any item on the Internet.

The phylosophy of learning a language must be "Learn to communicate".

For instance, what is the point of learning the irregular verb list, if we can't say
what we did yesterday? So, let's start to forget a bit about grammar rules and
let's speak English!

Don't worry about making mistakes. We are

allowed to make mistakes, as long as we are understood!

When we were children we made mistakes but,

in the end, we learnt our mother tongue.... so

why can't we do it again?

As Natasha Bedingfield sings, the book of our life is still unwritten and we can do what we want!